Here We Go Again...

So the day before yesterday my Mum told me some bad news, and then Dad confirmed it yesterday and added even more bad news to it- about my grandmother (who is my Grandma and not the woman currently in a nursing home due to Dementia)

My Grandma has both Cardio-Vascular Dementia and early onset of Alzheimer's disease.  The first one is pretty awful, it basically means that she's at a high risk of dying and there's bugger all they can do for her- the operation to help her is more risky than the disease itself. But there's no timeline for it, she could die tomorrow or live until her 100's. It's just more risk.

It's the Alzheimer's that is mostly upsetting me. I don't remember him, but I've heard stories of my Poppy and what the family went through when he had Alzheimer's. It wasn't pleasant, it wasn't fun and it took a lot out of everyone. By the end of his life, he didn't remember most of his children, including my mother and only randomly remembered one of his granddaughters. As I was two when he died, I doubt he even realised my brother and I existed or if he did I doubt he realised who we were to him. But for the most part, what happened to him is a sad story for me, not a reality.

Grandma will be a reality. I remember staying the nights with her, I remember visits with her and how she speaks, how she lives, what it's like to be loved by her. I know her and the thought of what happened to Poppy happening to her terrifies me. Alzheimer's progresses over a looong period of time, it's just a awful and slow process of losing a loved one.

A part of me is also worried about my travel plans, how this might effect them and then feeling guilty for even worrying about those. There is a plan in place for me regarding if something happens to Nana, for whom there is also fears regarding health. It will have to apply to Grandma too...

For now, it's mostly a minor problem. The people who run all the aged care services and Grandma's doctors are keeping her at home so it's mostly a thing to worry about in the future. But it's a future I don't find myself looking forward too.

I once said that both my grandmothers were going to live to see my 21st. I wonder if that was a good thing, or a bad thing?