Family?

As I first write this, I'm all but asleep; kept awake only by the fact it's too early for bed. Just a warning. I'll hopefully review it for typos later but really this is sleepy musing. On family.

Well more on wondering why extended family matters.

I make no secret of the fact I'm not close to my extended family (for this entry, I'm going to consider extended family anyone beyond parents, siblings and grandparents). It's not like my extended family is small, there's four children on Mum's side of the family and a total of 15 grandchildren and 6 (and another on the way) great-grandchildren. Dad's side is much smaller, only two children and five grandchildren. My brother and I are included in those grandchildren counts on both sides. Keeping that many names straight is hard and I do not even bother trying to remember the names of partners- I know one partner's name and that's only because he's seemed to make the effort to be at family gatherings and to talk to me (or Dad who sits by me). While Dad's family lives nearby, Mum's family lives up in Sydney bar her mother who lives five minutes walk away.

Still following? Good, you're doing better than I am some days.

This entry is mostly about my Mum's side of the family. I'm not close to my cousins on Dad's side but that could be more about them being ten years older than me and I've a somewhat decent relationship with my aunt and uncle.

Not so much Mum's side. Until 2011, I hadn't seen them in fives years or more. All those people...and we hadn't seen another in half a decade.

It wasn't always like that. I do recall getting gifts from Uncle P and Aunt P when I was little but it was always the same gift- one of those stationary kits. I have a half dozen of them I never used fully because I had no one to send letters to. Uncle G used to pass down old books from his six kids to me and both he and Uncle R had children around the age of my brother and I (who are the youngest pair of cousins, if only by a year or so). There was a pool party once and a family reunion with dozens of distantly related family members (I met and hung out with the grandchild of my mother's aunt. Or something distant like that.)

Then it stopped. Barely a Christmas card exchanged, maybe a mention of them visiting our Nana who lived down here but nothing for us.

Fast forward to 2011. We have a more limited family reunion. Discuss how everyone has lost contact, realise it's probably Nana's fault with her attempts to drive us apart. And my uncles and mother decide to try and get everyone back into contact and for us all to get to know another.

And I want to know why. Yes, they are my family. But we've not talked for years, and even in the last two years only Mum and her brothers have had any sort of extended contact. Us cousins have seen another maybe, three times. Or the ones who live in Sydney have seen me maybe three times, I think they're closer to another than my brother and I are to them. We're all so different in terms of our personality- I'm going to University, none of the others my age have done so and not that many of the older ones have (if any). They're into sports in one family and the rest of us aren't sporty.

Should we be friends? Why? Does family instantly mean you're supposed to like and hang out with them?

I've got to go to all these parties and events now. I make no secret of the fact that most parties bore me. I'm going to end up just eating your food and hiding in a corner. Yes, sometimes the conversation is fun- like today's lunch included a discussion on the inheritance of blood types- but it also tends to include them discussing people or topics that do not interest me (like the best time to go the zoo in Singapore or soccer).

I'm still not sure if I should be over joyed at the thought of finally having an extended family. If this continues, and the baby shower next month seems to indicate it will, I might actually have to learn their partner's names. And how to tell the twins apart.

Written Later:

Rereading this, I'm not finding much (anything) I disagree with. I know it's probably selfish or something and my cousins do seem to be nice people I'm just...not interested? I'm uncomfortable in big social situations and any meeting with my cousins is basically going to be big just because there's so many of us. And I expect so little of them... I invited my cousins on Dad's side to my eighteenth dinner and had to hide my shock when all three actually showed! And gave me presents! I didn't expect anyone beyond my aunt and uncle...

I guess... I guess I just don't know what to think. I think I rarely do.