But I've been thinking recently and I realised-I don't have that one friend. I've a load of that one friend.
I'll admit, I'm always early. You say midday and I'm there no later than a quarter to, ten to if I'm running late. Five minutes late for me is like being fifty minutes late. I don't do if at all possible. Recently I went to a play in Sydney and I was two hours early for it. And that didn't bother me at all.
But I've noticed that- for the most part, there are a couple of people who are on time- none of my friends are like that. Sure, some of them are only ten minutes late but if you've already been waiting fifteen minutes that's a lot of waiting. Not all their fault but still. Others are later by a lot more or just don't turn up at all.
And I don't get mad.
At all. I'm not annoyed. I don't get pissed. I'm just a little ball of worry until they show then I'm like a puppy, so happy to see that they actually came that I don't get mad. Even if they don't show at all, I just accept it and move on. After all I can just go home and talk to my friends online and that's almost the same.
I'm sure this isn't healthy. That I'm so worried people will forget me and not show I'm so relieved when they do that I don't mind they're extraordinarily late and if they don't show well that's what I expected and it's not a big deal (and I hope my worried texts as to their whereabouts haven't annoyed them too much). My sense of self worth has always been low and I guess I've just found another aspect of it.
Still, it's useful. Being upset or mad when people don't show or are late seems to make my mother a bundle of anger so I'm glad to avoid it. Which also might be a part of why I avoid it, to honest.
Well, at least your aware of why you feel like you do, which is helpful. I'll tell you to value yourself more but I know it doesn't really work like that. I suppose that you should value yourself more in that you have the right to be mad when someone doesn't do what they say they will, though as someone who is 10 minutes late most of the time, I also think cultural norms say it's ok to do so. maybe ask why you are always early when you don't have to be?
ReplyDeletebut basically, you are worth being around and you should value your plans and things you want and expect friends to have a certain regard for that as well, cos friendship is a two way street
Yeah, it's kinda sucky when I think about it but at least I'm not a ball of anger when people stand me up (which has happened three times in the last week) but I'm not even the slightest bit upset either- I'm a touch disappointed they didn't show but I understand why it happened and I can't make myself more valuable than the reasons they missed meeting with me. One of which was sleep...
DeleteI'm always early because I was taught it's better to be heaps early than a little bit late. It shows people you value their time and won't keep them waiting.
If you say so. =)